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The Amazing Wisdom of Turtle Boy He's Nearly Well Known ! |
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(Chosen most sensible on Earth by wise non-silly aliens - please see Fine Print below) 
Question
Number 3:Dear Turtle Boy, Is your name really Turtle Boy? It's a goofy name and it doesn't make any sense to me. If you were a human who acted like a turtle, or looked like a turtle, or just really liked turtles, we then might call you something like Turtle Boy. But you are a turtle who acts like a human boy. So you should be called Boy Turtle. How did you get such a silly name that doesn't make sense? Signed Bugged-by-Goofy-Illogical-Names in Connecticut Answer to Question Number 3: Dear Critical, I am constantly amazed at the things that human beings lay awake worrying about. However, you make a good point and believe it or not I have an answer. Though the answer may seem even goofier to you than my name. An Aside on Which Word Goes First But before I explain my goofy name, I would like to point out that word order, in names and sentences, is based more on convention (the way we are used to doing things) than on logic. In other words, we put some words in front of other words because that is the way we have always done it, and it "sounds right" to us. It is not necessarily because one word order is more logical than another. For example, the Nez Perce Indians in Idaho received that name from French Traders. In French Nez Perce' means "nose pierced" (they must have had something through their noses). That sounds funny to most of us. We would rather say "pierced nose". Which one is more logical? I would bet that most English speaking people would say "pierced nose" is more logical and most French speaking people would say "nose pierced" is more logical. It's a matter of what you are used to. Right? Sometimes we mix things up even in English. Someone that grew up in Phoenix, Arizona, tells us that there are two popular lakes in the area. One is called Lake Pleasant and the other is called Saguaro Lake. Or is it Pleasant Lake and Lake Saguaro? How Turtle Boy Got His Name Okay, so here is the story: After the aliens conducted their study to find out who was the most sensible person on earth (see Turtle Boy Intro Page) they took me on board their space ship to tell me about it and ask me some questions about humans. Humans are very puzzling to them. Can't think why. They also told me lots of interesting things which perhaps I will share with you in future columns. They were very polite and we talked for a long time. They referred to me as Turtle Boy 612. Apparantly I was the 612th young male turtle they had scanned in their search for the world's most sensible person. Sort of like a field biologist here might refer to one of his study subjects as Grizzly Bear - male - Number 5. When I got back to earth I told all my friends about my experiences with aliens. They said things like "Well, that makes sense" or "Yup. We always thought you were very sensible". Many of them also thought it was pretty funny that I was called Turtle Boy 612. They started calling me that in jest. Pretty soon it became my nickname that almost everyone uses (except my mom). The Real Name So what is my real name you ask? Okay, I'll tell you, but I have a feeling you won't like it any better than Turtle Boy. My real name is Spunky Tugback. Satisfied? Some of my friends call me Spunky T for short. Since you know it now, we may as well use it. Sometimes I'll be Turtle Boy and sometimes I'll be Spunky Tugback or even Spunky T, just to confuse you. Let us know which one you like best.
On to the next Question: Does Michael Jordan Know About Batteries? Back to Turtle Boy Introduction Back to FT Exploring Home Page Need to do some research? Go to the FT Exploring Search Page. Back to the Top of this Page. FINE PRINT DISCLAIMER: "Ask Turtleboy" is a whimsical just-for-fun section of FT Exploring. Turtle Boy is a cartoon. The aliens that befriended him and designated him most sensible person on earth were also cartoons (make believe). We do not in anyway endorse a belief in cartoon or non-cartoon aliens zipping around making geometric patterns in wheat fields, cutting up cows, or kidnapping people with funny accents and conducting experiments on them. The cartoon aliens have assured Turtle Boy they would never do such silly things. If cartoon aliens wouldn't be so silly, it surely stands to reason that real aliens (if there is such a thing) would also not be so silly? I mean, come on! Fly billions and billions of miles through space just to sneak around in the dark and make goofy geometric patterns in wheat fields? Why not use paint on parking lots? Or dig little ditches in open fields with their laser blasters? And you think this web site is silly! END OF FINE PRINT DISCLAIMER |
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